


Blonde Hair, Black Lungs

by princeawful



Category: Orginal Character - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Break Up, FTM, Healing, Implusive thoughts, OC, One Shot, Other, Sad, Self Harm, Smoking, Sorority Noise, Trans, Transgender, blonde hair black lungs, heartbroken, leo christo - Freeform, mine, negative, orginal character - Freeform, self destructive, smoke, the front bottoms - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 17:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14218410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princeawful/pseuds/princeawful
Summary: “I shaved my head last night to start a new,In a chapter I call without you.“





	Blonde Hair, Black Lungs

I cut off all my hair and I cried, I cut off all my hair. it was a butch job and nipped my ear a few times but that didn’t stop me from cutting up my fingers too. After the impulsive episode was over I looked at the result, messy piles of hair, my crooked bangs the blood on my hands, I started shake, my fingers tightly gripping the sink that I stood over, my eyes filled up with tears and I let them fall. It was painful but it had to be done. After I had realized you no longer loved me. I had to change, I don’t regret it but I don’t love it. I had to change. I couldn’t stand being someone you didn’t love so I cut my hair off. 

It’s been years since it was ever this short and hell I’ve had it long ever since I could remember. I wiped the tears from my eyes and stared at the mirror, the person before me with short hair and blood shot eyes, he was me and that face belonged to a broken man, i chuckled a bit and said, “Hah Leo, you look shitter than usual.” my face was red and hot I took my leather jacket and shirt off and sighed, I sat down at the edge of the bath and mumbled as I buried my head in my hands. “What the fuck did you just do..” I ran my fingers through my now short hair, not used to the length yet i stared down at my boots and sniffled. “F-fuck...here I am again, lonely and single, why the fuck do I always let myself get hurt. I open my fucking heart out to anybody and for what? For them to just fucking step all over it. It’s not fucking fair to me. “This is bullshit.” 

I furrowed my brows and reached over for my jacket. “Goddammit.” I grabbed my lighter and my last pack of cigs, I stuck the last one between my lips and threw the now empty carton at the wall. “Fuck me.” I cursed and then flicked the lighter on as I cupped my hand over the flame, breathing in. My lungs filled with smoke and I felt the nicotine rush through me, instantly calming my nerves. I closed my eyes and took it all in. My hands were still a bit shaky as I reached to take the cig out from between my chapped lips. I blew out a cloud of smoke, I felt a little bit relieved that I had that one last cigarette in a crushed up carton. I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling as if I was expecting something other than pure white to be there. Tears started to pool up in my eyes again but I blamed it on some smoke getting in there. 

“Jésus Christ” I rubbed my eye with my free hand then started to stand up cause my ass was falling asleep. I stuck the cig back in between my lips, I picked up the trash can and I started to sweep the hair into it while I smoke. I finish cleaning up the mess I created as best I could. I pulled my shirt back on cause I’m sure the other roommates didn’t want to see my scarred up chest. I picked my jacket up from off the floor, I glanced at myself in the mirror for a moment. I smirked slightly to myself and shrugged. “It’ll grow back.” I said as I left the bathroom.

**Author's Note:**

> lmk if you want more of this. A burst of angst, I miss the world my ex and I had created. The last line is very symbolic cause “it’ll grow back” meaning that I don’t think that I will ever forget what we had together even though it had got discarded a long while ago, such as the hair he cut off. I think some part of me will always remember the idea of you.


End file.
